The view from my window...

Sometimes things look so clear from my window.
Sometimes the fog outside is as thick as the fog inside my head.
Sometimes the scene is expansive and beautiful.
Sometimes my window seems as small as the eye of the black fly – small, but focused.

I’m in a foggy spot just now: foggy outside and foggy inside.

A few days ago an enormous cruise ship came to Gaspé. Well, I’m told it was enormous – I never even caught a glimpse of it! I knew it was here because I saw the little shuttle boats coming and going from the marina and lots of strangers walking around town. I keep wondering how it felt for those passengers to cast off from the big ship in the fog – heading for land they couldn’t see, but were promised awaited them…arriving at the dock in the sunshine – a strange and unfamiliar place – unable then to see the ship from whence they had come! What a journey of trust, and perhaps even terror for some. Perhaps some folks were actually too frightened to leave the security of The Big Ship.

My internal fog is causing me some concern lately too. There’s so much I don’t seem to understand. Is it intentionally hidden from me, or do I need to ask God to lift the fog from the eyes of my soul? I can see just to the edge of my property (my world) but what lies beyond is mystery…

Recently I’ve heard of two more priests who have left their Anglican Church of Canada parishes to join the Anglican Network in Canada. Good people. Doing what they believe is right. Desiring certainty for themselves and their people – certainty they find, as I understand it, in a literal interpretation of some of the scriptures. The words of a Joe Wise song keep rising in my heart as I try to understand.

Lord, teach us to pray
It's been a long and cold December kind of day,
with our hearts and hands all busy in our private little wars.
We stand and watch each other now, from separate shores;
we lose the way.

I still get so distracted by the color of my skin;
I still get so upset now when I find that I don't win.
I meet so many strangers; I'm so slow to take them in
I've got to find a way to really live.

I stand so smug and sure before the people I've out-guessed;
to let them all be who they are I still see as a test.
And when it all comes down to "must," I'm sure my way is best.
I've got to find what "room" means in my heart.

Lord, teach us to pray.
We still believe that we can find a better way.
Teach us to pray. We lose the way. Teach us to pray.

How do we find our way through the fog of confusion, “the cloud of unknowing”? Is certainty the right goal? The 14th century unknown author of this spiritual classic on prayer and divine meditation makes this suggestion:
And so I urge you, go after experience rather than knowledge.
On account of pride, knowledge may often deceive you, but this gentle,
loving affection will not deceive you. Knowledge tends to breed conceit,
but love builds. Knowledge is full of labor, but love, full of rest.

Donal Dorr, in his book Integral Spirituality, offers a useful thermometer for discernment – some questions to help me decide if what I am doing is truly from God.
Does this lead to a flourishing of the deepest part of me?
Am I opening to God and other people and the world?
Are people benefiting from what I’m doing?
Am I growing in the love of God?
Am I growing in the sense of God’s presence?
Am I growing in freedom of spirit and openness?

If I can say “yes” to these questions, then perhaps the fog is lifting enough for me to safely venture out a bit into the mystery and still find my way HOME.


[Donal Dorr M.A., D.D. is a well-known facilitator, consultant, trainer, resource-person and author. He is a member of St. Patrick’s Missionary Society ("The Kiltegan Fathers"). For many years he devoted himself to working, in Ireland and overseas, with community groups, church groups, and teams of all kinds, with a special emphasis on empowerment, community-building, and conflict-resolution. Some of his other books to look for include Spirituality and Justice, Option for the Poor, Divine Energy: God beyond us, within us, among us; and Spirituality: our deepest heart’s desire.]